What to realize when we feel like we can't continue.
I didn’t see it coming. Yesterday was great. I felt great. I painted for hours with the sun shining in and my relaxation music transferring me to a different state of mind. I felt reinvigorated. Refreshed. Transformed. I felt I finally had clarity and couldn’t wait to work on more soulful projects the next day.
The alarm clock went off at 6:30 am. I’ve felt like an emotional roller coaster since.
Not every day is like this-- and maybe I should be writing more on those positive days lest you think I’m some kind of whiney brat that can’t find the bright side. I promise, Ms. Brightside is in there. But let’s face it. Most of us come to a moment or day or week (or longer) when we just can’t seem to carry on. Life throws curve balls at us. There’s a lot of factors outside of ourselves: rent/mortgage (need money), food (need money), mouths to feed (need money), clothes (need money)… am I sensing a common trend? Life is expensive! If you are lucky enough to be in a career position that you are doing what you love, then super kudos to you. If you aren’t but want to, then I hear you sister. Or even if you are just getting by on the day-to-day, that’s cool, too. We are all in it together. But even the super power career woman who does what she loves will have days when the only thing on her mind is how to keep going. How do we keep going. Even more, how do we find the motivation to not only keep going but to be invigorated and grow in our journey of self.
That’s a good looking question.
I was lamenting to my mom as usual about how today I just didn’t feel like myself, and felt really off. It could be the planets, she said [note to self: check the planetary alignment]. She also sent me this: How to keep writing when no one gives a shit. This awesome, no bullshit writer wrote down on paper—err, computer screen—exactly what I was feeling today. It’s the feeling we all get on those days that we all have. Why would people give a shit when you can’t seem to yourself?
Jennifer writes about her experience as a writer, but this story can apply to any of us in any field. Her bottom line was this: Having a greater purpose. That is how you keep going. At the end of those shitty days, you keep going and keep on keeping on because it feels a lot worse to not do those things that feed your soul. Pursuing our passions is what drives us, what feeds us spiritually, and what allows us to keep calm and…you know. So you have an occasional off day. Who doesn’t. I’m pretty sure Van Gogh was having an off day when he lobed of his lobe. But he stuck to it and painted masterpieces.
It feels worse to not be ourselves than to do what we love and have a bad day.
This is my addition to the story, which is something that my friend S. and I were discussing. You need to be okay with what you are wanting to do. It seems like a simple concept, no? Of course if we want to do something, it should be okay. But that’s not always the case. I want nothing more than to be my own boss—write, create, and share all of these endeavors with other women. I would work from where I needed to and put family first, but pursue my passions and be able to survive. My inner critic often says This isn’t okay. It’s silly to have a pipe dream when you are working full time with a reliable pay check. Just deal with it like the rest of the world and go to work. But I’m not the rest of the world. I am an individual; I am me. The typical 9-5 is not what I want as my reality. What I am working on right now is giving myself that permission to be okay with who I am and what I want to be doing. It isn’t silly and it isn’t just a hobby. It’s my passion. And that’s more than okay, it should be something to celebrate.
What is something that you are doing to bring yourself closer to your goals that you can celebrate? What is something you can stop your inner critic from berating you about?