Instead, over the last week (okay, okay, maybe more than a week), I ate worse, blogged less, and had anxiety about my current job’s work daily. I stepped on the scale this morning and discovered I was up 5 pounds. Damn it.
To my credit— or to at least make myself feel better— the past month has been a whirlwind at work (meaning more stress), a lot of travel and family and friends (meaning bad eating and less blogging), and a lot of hot summer days and nights (meaning a whole lot less motivation to go running outside, or do anything at all).
I have been really thinking about this, though. How many of us have found a feeling of success in one (or more) aspects of our lives and then start sliding back downhill, one inch at a time? I realized this wasn’t my first time doing this, just the first time I have recognized it. I was really feeling great, very confident and excited about my future. Somehow this elation led to complacency in my routine, and my newly developed healthy habits started falling by the wayside. Bread and pasta started making a reappearance. Instead of blogging when I first walked through the door I flipped on the TV. I wasn’t maintaining a zen state of mind at work and was letting the anxieties around me begin to engulf me like a black cloud.
Just when I was feeling on top of the world, I quickly found myself in a hole looking up at the sun instead of shining like it. I get too comfortable, and then get complacent, and then get lazy. It’s like someone pushed cruise control instead of hitting the gas. Where did my ambition go?
Instead of beating myself up for it—or at least I’m trying not to— I am remembering that I am a work in process, and that life’s path will continue forward with my destiny in mind. This complacency may also be an indicator that I need to shake things up a bit. I am a creature that needs change; I get very bored of the same tasks and the same foods day after day. I have recognized this about myself, so I can now adjust it and keep going.
The next step is creating a new vision and laying out a new plan for myself. It doesn’t mean that the old one has failed, it means that I now have a clearer vantage on what works well and what doesn’t, what feels right and what isn’t quite what I imagined. Time to go back to the drawing board, as they say. Instead of erasing and starting over, though, I plan to hone, draw forward lines, and choose direction. I have signed up for a 5k, revitalized a healthy eating pact with my husband, and have meditated on a more focused direction for my blog and business.
Ultimately, what is important is recognizing why we fall, but then picking ourselves back up again, putting our feet facing forward on our life’s path, and continue to walk and build ourselves back up. We can keep life’s lessons in the back of our mind without letting them rule us in the guise of guilt. We now know what to look for, and what not to repeat. The good thing is that I have done this before, so I know I can do it again. The most important thing now is to just do it.