“Am I doing the right thing?”
I am asking myself that question more and more lately. In fact, we all probably are.
In this crazy, unsettled astrological month of July, I find myself starting to doubt the path I had started to draw for myself. A month or so ago, I had drawn out a clear vision, seeing my end goal as a future vision of myself and what she was doing 25 years from now. I had tangible career goals I wanted to accomplish in the next year. I was more than excited; I was elated. I felt secure, strong, and confident. I knew my feet were firmly planted in the right direction, and I just had to start walking.
After that initial rush of excitement, energy, and adrenaline wore off, I started to doubt myself. Am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy? A lot of people would look at my job right now and call me crazy for thinking about leaving. I am starting to hear the voice in my head calling me crazy, myself. The stronger the feeling of self-enlightened discovery is, the stronger the rational voice starts yelling to sit myself back down, work my 9-5, and get the paycheck. Forget your dreams, it says, they are stupid and you can’t do it. Let me tell you, there is a battle royal happening in my mind, my soul, and my heart today.
I was discussing today’s predicament with my friend E, and her enlightened suggestion was to state that “we just have to stay the course and only veer off to explore other things, but [always] come back to the path.” I need to start making my way back to my path. I need to keep drawing my path, because I know where I want to end up, but I am not sure how the path will wind to lead me there.
Today I needed to go back to my metaphorical drawing board, and revisit why I am doing this in the first place. It is helpful for me to make a list of the ultimate goal(s) that I want for myself, and you may find it will be helpful to create your own list. My ultimate list is:
- Inner peace
- Feeling like I am making a difference in the world
- Working to make my own dreams come true, and not someone else’s
- …and not doing someone else’s bitchwork (pardon the French)
- Putting myself and my family’s needs first
- Being excited to wake up and get out of bed and start my day
- Having a feeling of connectedness to my soul, the universe, God, and others
Do I have all of these things right now? Emmm, no. Do I feel closer to them, though, when I am actively pursuing careers that align with my true interests? Yes. Do feel closer to them when I make myself, my time and my husband a priority? Yes. Do I feel closer to them when I write, paint, and create? Yes. What you and I should take away from this is that when we align ourselves more closely with our true passions, our true callings, and our true goals, we are closer to aligning ourselves with the path we should be on and to finding inner peace and fulfillment.
When you are making such big life changes, it is normal to feel stress, anxiety, anguish, and a feeling of hanging in suspension. Instead of letting these feelings and the rational voice control our next step, we need to acknowledge what we are feeling, then remind ourselves why we are doing what we are doing, and why we felt we needed to make these changes in the first place. Just writing this today has helped to quell some of the anxiety and upheaval I am feeling, and has helped me to refocus and center myself on my goals.
For your final thought today, E says that “No matter what we do or feel, the path, the course, it's going to continue going. There are so many other factors than just us in our path. So when people say ‘You are in control of your destiny,’ it's too vague. What they mean is - you can choose to have a good attitude, you can choose to exercise, you can choose to be in a healthy relationship, you can choose to put good food in your body. And when all those things are in place because we chose them to be, that's when we are in control.” And she’s right.